<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Beam me up, give me a minute by Jodym134</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24058936">Beam me up, give me a minute</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jodym134/pseuds/Jodym134'>Jodym134</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>When it feels like this [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pitch Perfect (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, F/F, More angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:27:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,540</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24058936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jodym134/pseuds/Jodym134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>Be kind. Reviews are always welcomed. I'm from the UK so things may/will be different.</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>When it feels like this [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Beam me up, give me a minute</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Deciding to extend their family was the easiest decision Chloe and Beca had ever made.  It was as simple as them being sat in bed one night, both on their laptops catching up with work after their daughter Aria’s bedtime routine. </p>
<p>Beca looked up from her laptop and stared at Chloe for a couple of seconds. ‘’Hey Chlo. Lets have another baby.’’</p>
<p>Chloe looked up into Beca’s eyes. ‘’Yeah, lets do it.’’ She smiled before leaning over to kiss her wife on the cheek and going back to doing her work. </p>
<p>Growing up Beca never saw herself having children, never saw herself being able to be as maternal as she was with their daughter. Beca’s early childhood was great, she was the centre of her parents lives, they absolutely doted on her. However, witnessing the messy divorce and custody battle had what she assumed would be a lasting effect on her. As a teen, she swore she would never get married and have children, but here she was, married to the love of her life, with a three and a half year old daughter and for the second time, being the one to voice her want to extend their family. </p>
<p>However much she thought Chloe had softened her over the years, it really was Aria that had turned  her to mush. She developed a protective nature. Yeah, she would kill for Chloe, but she would actually die for Aria. </p>
<p>Beca thought herself and Chloe were doing a pretty good job at motherhood. Their daughter was super intelligent, she was funny and goofy, but she was also caring and compassionate. She always seemed to pick up on either of her mothers emotions. If they were sad, she would snuggle into them, give them kisses and tell them she loved them. She was thoughtful, always offered to share her sweets and toys with her little friends. She had the odd tantrum, but nothing major. She really was the perfect child in their eyes. </p>
<p>It didn’t take long after the initial mini discussion for Beca and Chloe to book their appointment at the clinic. Everything was going well at work for Beca, she had staff that could handle it without her being there every hour of the day to over look anything, so there was no worry about having to wait to start treatment. </p>
<p>Treatment was much the same as the first time around. Hormone treatment saw Beca become an emotion wreck. She cried at literally everything. Chloe almost found it funny to see her wife get teary over the smallest things. </p>
<p>‘’Babe, what do you fancy for tea tonight?’’ Chloe asked whilst rummaging through the larder.</p>
<p>Beca thought about it for a second before answering. ‘’Ummm, how about carbonara?’’</p>
<p>‘’We’re out of pasta.’’</p>
<p>‘’Oh, well how about pizza?’’</p>
<p>‘’Nope, we’re out of that too. Ummm, I could always make a veggie stroganoff?’’. Chloe was checking over the vegetables to check they were still fresh. She walked out of the larder assuming Beca must have walked away since she hadn’t heard her reply. She placed the veggies onto the counter top before turning around, noticing Beca sat behind her laptop with tears running down her cheeks. ‘’Babe, what’s wrong?’’ she asked, rushing over to embrace her wife. </p>
<p>The brunette sighed and looked away. Embarrassment taking over. ‘’I just really wanted pasta or pizza.’’ she all but whispered causing the redhead to burst into fits of laughter. ‘’It’s not funny Chlo.’’</p>
<p>‘’Oh but it is. Let order in, I’ll go grab the Italian menu.’’</p>
<p>Beca rolled her eyes and smiled.</p>
<p>The test came back positive a few weeks later and the couple couldn’t be happier. Morning sickness was a bit of a bitch, but Beca knew what to expect, it wasn’t dissimilar to her first pregnancy. The reveal to their parents was much more simple this time. They had an early reassurance scan and simply sent them all a photo that read, ‘Baby number 2 due November’. </p>
<p>Chloe’s phone rang immediately, her mother screaming down the phone, her father shouting his congratulations. Excited to have another grandbaby. Beca’s mother wasn’t far behind, a similar reaction to Chloe’s parents. Beca and Chloe couldn’t help but giggle at the reactions. The brunettes father was more subtle, a text message to congratulate the both of them and that Sheila and himself couldn’t wait to be grandparents again. </p>
<p>Day to day life went by as normal, bar Beca throwing up quite often and being off certain foods. They’d agreed to wait to tell their friends and other family until after their twelve week scan. They had had to explain to Penny quite early on, well more she picked up on it and they had to admit it. She was over the moon for them. </p>
<p>The didn’t discuss the pregnancy around Aria in the beginning, choosing to also wait until their twelve week scan. </p>
<p>Beca and Chloe both booked the entire day off work for the scan. They were excited to see the baby and just as excited to get back home and tell Aria that she would be getting a new baby brother or sister. They knew she would be the best big sister. </p>
<p>The scan day came around quickly. There were happy tears when the sonographer let them hear the heartbeat. It was strong and healthy and everything on the scan was measuring perfectly. </p>
<p>‘’Can’t believe we’re having another.’’ Chloe said, wiping tears from the corners of her eye as she stared down at the sonogram picture. ‘’What do you reckon, another girl or boy?’’</p>
<p>‘’Ten bucks it’s boy.’’</p>
<p>‘’Beca, I am not betting on our baby.’’</p>
<p>‘’Don’t be boring. Make it twenty bucks.’’</p>
<p>Chloe rolled her eyes but shook on the bet. She really didn’t care if they had a boy or girl as long as the baby was healthy.</p>
<p>When they arrived home, they let Penny go home early so they could spend the rest of the day with their daughter. </p>
<p>‘’Hey nugget, come here a minute. Me and Mummy need to talk to you.’’ Beca called over to Aria who was playing with her wooden kitchen in the corner of the lounge. </p>
<p>‘’Ok Mama.’’</p>
<p>Chloe patted the couch for Aria to sit between herself and Beca. ‘’So, we have something exciting to show you.’’ She placed the sonogram into Aria’s little hand and they watched the confusion lace her petite features.</p>
<p>‘’What’s this?’’ Aria questioned, eyebrows furrowed and her usual pouty lips she had whenever she concentrated.</p>
<p>‘’This...’’ Beca said pointing at the picture. ‘’...Is your baby brother or sister’’.</p>
<p>Aria looked between her mothers and the sonogram. </p>
<p>‘’Your baby brother or sister is in Mama’s tummy.’’ Chloe added. </p>
<p>Aria looked as if she was processing it for a little while before she handed back the sonogram to Beca, jumped off of the sofa and simply said ‘’Ok’’, before going back to play with her kitchen.</p>
<p>Both mothers chuckled at how chilled out their daughter was about it. </p>
<p>//////////</p>
<p>Morning sickness stopped completely around fourteen weeks, much earlier than it had with Beca’s first pregnancy. She felt great, her bump was growing quicker and she had a lot more energy than she had the first time around. </p>
<p>Their twenty week scan was perfect. They chose not to find out the sex, they hadn’t with Aria and wanted a surprise again. </p>
<p>This pregnancy felt much more chilled out for Beca. Unlike the first, she didn’t have a fear that she couldn’t do it. She wasn’t scared that she would mess their kid up, or not be good enough. She wasn’t scared that she wouldn’t know how to comfort the baby. She wasn’t scared that she would completely fuck everything up. </p>
<p>///////////</p>
<p>‘’Mama…It’s morning.’’ Aria sang as she skipped into her mothers bedroom.</p>
<p>‘’Mmmm, five more minutes nugget.’’ </p>
<p>‘’Nu-uh. Mommy said you gotta get your butt outa bed.’’</p>
<p>‘’Make you a deal, I’ll get up if you give me a snuggle first.’’ </p>
<p>Aria hopped up onto the bed with a big grin across her face. She got up onto her knees next to Beca, leant down and wrapped her arms tightly around her Mama’s neck. </p>
<p>‘’I love you nugget.’’</p>
<p>‘’I love you Mama.’’ She leant over to kiss Beca on the cheek. ‘’I love you too baby.’’ She whispered as she leant down to place a gentle kiss on Beca’s bump. </p>
<p>If questioned, Beca would blame her hormones for the emotional outburst this scene caused. Truth is, she really had softened that much. She regularly got teary eyes at cute moments and honestly, she had more happy tears and sad ones these days. </p>
<p>‘’Come on, lets go downstairs. I’m starving.’’ </p>
<p>They walked downstairs, well Beca mainly waddled. At 32 weeks pregnant she was almost as round as she was tall, at least that’s how she felt. She hadn’t seen her feet in weeks, had boobs were gigantic, her ankles puffy. Her stomach was covered in stretch marks. She’d only gotten a couple during her pregnancy with Aria, so was a little shocked to get quite so many this time around. At first she hated them, was worried that she would hate how her stomach would look after pregnancy, that Chloe wouldn’t find her attractive any more because of it. </p>
<p>‘’Green tea and pancake on the counter.’’ Chloe said motioning over the other side of the kitchen before kissing the brunette on the cheek. </p>
<p>Beca made an exaggerated expression of appreciation. ‘’I knew there was a reason I married you.’’</p>
<p>////////////</p>
<p>Beca’s working day was as normal as usual. Lots of paperwork to go through, a couple of meetings, setting everything up ready for when she went on maternity leave. The perks of being the boss meant she could take a break whenever possible, putting her feet up to try ease her puffy ankles.</p>
<p>She couldn’t wait for the baby to be born but she would miss being pregnant. She loved it. She loved feeling the baby move around, loved that the baby kicked when there was music playing, just like Aria had done. Although maybe this baby was a little fussier, because it seemed to move about more if the songs had a heavy beat. She smiled to herself thinking maybe they’d have a little rock star on their hands. </p>
<p>She often thought about what this baby would look like. Aria was a mini Beca, her brown hair, and blue eyes, she even mirrored Beca’s smirk. They weren’t able to get the same donor this time round, although yet again, had chosen a redhead in the hopes that the baby would have some semblance to Chloe. </p>
<p>Beca had began to get back ache and mild abdominal pain late morning, putting it down to sheer size she had become and having been sat in an office chair most of the morning. It wasn’t unusual for her to ache around this time of day. </p>
<p>The brunette took the opportunity to get up to walk about a little once she had finished replying to emails. The pain in her abdomen had increased and she was starting to worry. To attempt to calm herself she text Chloe. Her wife was a fountain of knowledge, she would know what to try to ease it. </p>
<p>Beca: Bit worried. Stomach and Back hurts. </p>
<p>Chloe: Lay flat on the couch. Maybe baby is led on a nerve? Want me to ring Dr. Jenson?</p>
<p>Beca: No, it’s fine. I’m probably over reacting.</p>
<p>Chloe: Take it easy. Go home and rest please. Love you. </p>
<p>Beca took Chloe’s advice. She went over the large leather couch in her office and led down flat. She was scrolling through her phone when there was a knock at her door. </p>
<p>‘’Come in.’’</p>
<p>‘’Oh, Sorry, is this a bad time?’’ Sophie, one of her newest interns asked nervously as she entered the room. </p>
<p>Beca sat herself up and winced at the pain but trying her hardest to ignore it. She knew she was a bit of a wimp when it came to pain. ‘’No, I was just taking five minutes. Everything ok?’’</p>
<p>‘’Oh, umm, yeah. It’s just, well Mike asked me to come get you as the meeting with P!nks manager was due to start ten minutes ago’’ Sophie was a lovely girl, quiet, but desperate to learn. </p>
<p>‘’Shit. I will be there in two minutes. Go apologise for me. I’ll be right there.’’ Beca stood up as quickly as she could and saw Sophie virtually run out of the door. She rolled her eyes and giggled to herself when the young girl bumped into the door frame in her haste to do what Beca had asked her.</p>
<p>The brunette got her folder from the desk and made her way down the corridor to the meeting room. The pains had not subsided, but she was too busy to allow herself to pay it much attention. She got the room and made her apologies immediately. </p>
<p>‘’I’m so sorry Gerry.’’ She said as she walked over to shake the middle aged gentleman's hand. She’d worked with P!nks team before, so knew most of them already. She made her acquaintance with the people she didn’t know and took her seat at the head of the large table. </p>
<p>The meeting had already gone on for over an hour. Beca’s assistant had taken notes, writing down all the important information they’d need to start the new album. It wasn’t due to start being recorded for another 8-10 months, but since Beca would be on maternity leave in a months time, they wanted to get everything set in place before hand. She would be coming back early so that she could produce the album under P!nks personal demands. Apparently not trusting anyone other than ‘The Beca Mitchell’. </p>
<p>Some time into the meeting, the pains Beca was experiencing were increasing. She fidgeted a lot, desperate to get more comfortable but nothing was working. She had started to feel sick and light headed and was desperate for this meeting to come to an end so she could get out and go home. When it had eventually and everybody left the room, Beca burst into tears. She could barely walk and was now doubling over in pain. It wasn’t contractions, she knew what they felt like, but the pains were just as intense. There was no way this could just be braxton hicks, not from what they’d read in the baby books. </p>
<p>Beca suddenly felt a rush of warm liquid between her legs. For a second, she thought her waters had broke. A new panic overcoming her at the prospect that she was in premature labour. It wasn’t until she looked down and placed a hand on the wet patch of her black trousers, that she noticed it was blood. And a lot of it. </p>
<p>Just as she noticed the blood, the door of the meeting room swung open. Beca looked up to see it was the young intern almost tripping through the door. ‘’Soph...I need you to phone Chloe. Now.’’</p>
<p>Panic masked Sophie’s features. She was a nervous wreck as it was, this situation almost sent her into her own panic attack. ‘’Shit.’’ she whispered noticing the blood on Beca’s hand and the way she was using the table to keep herself steady. </p>
<p>‘’Sophie. NOW! GO!’’ </p>
<p>Sophie scrambled out of the room and ran straight for the front desk where Beca assumed she was getting the receptionist to phone Chloe. </p>
<p>Everything went black after that. Beca didn’t remember anything, but was coming to in the back of an ambulance. ‘’What’s happening?’’ She asked the paramedic who was currently monitoring her pulse. She felt weak and out of it.</p>
<p>‘’Ma'am, we are taking you to hospital. You’ve lost a lot of blood.’’</p>
<p>‘’Where’s Chloe? My wife? Where is she?’’ Panic laced her tone. She squirmed trying to get up from the bed.</p>
<p>‘’Your college assures us that your wife is meeting up at the hospital.’’</p>
<p>Beca felt dizzy again for a few seconds before everything went black again. </p>
<p>////////</p>
<p>Chloe ran as fast as she could into the hospitals A&amp;E. She almost skidded to a stop at the front desk in a frantic rush to get to her wife. ‘’Hi, My wife was rushed in. Where is she?’’</p>
<p>‘’What’s the name please?’’ </p>
<p>‘’Rebeca Mitchell-Beale. She’s pregnant, she was rushed in by ambulance. I need to see her. Where is she?’’</p>
<p>‘’Mrs. Mitchell-Beale, if you could just give me a second, I will find out for you.’’ The hospital receptionist looked down at her computer screen and started typing. Chloe couldn’t stand still, she was pacing the same three or four steps back and fourth for what felt like minutes but was likely only about twenty seconds. ‘’Mrs. Mitchell-Beale, If you could just follow me to the family room, a doctor will be with you as soon as possible.’’</p>
<p>Chloe stopped dead in her tracks. ‘’What? Why can’t I go see her? Is she ok? Is the baby ok?’’</p>
<p>‘’As I said, a doctor will be with you as soon they possibly can.’’ The nurse sounded a tad stern as she guided Chloe to a private room. </p>
<p>A minute or so later, a doctor was stood in front of Chloe. He was probably in his late forties, and the redhead couldn’t help but notice he had kind eyes. Her pulse was racing as she as she waited for him to speak. </p>
<p>He cleared his throat before speaking. ‘’Mrs. Mitchell-Beale?’’</p>
<p>‘’Uh, yeah. It’s Chloe. You can call me Chloe.’’,</p>
<p>‘’Chloe, we had to rush your wife up to surgery. I’m sorry to have to inform you, you’re wife suffered a placental abruption’’</p>
<p>Before he could finish explaining, Chloe interrupted. ‘’What’s that?’’</p>
<p>‘’The placenta detached from the uterine wall. It caused a significant bleed and cut off the oxygen supply to the baby. Your wife is stable, we performed a caesarean section...we did everything within our power but unfortunately we were unable to save your son.’’</p>
<p>Time felt like it stood still for Chloe in that moment. There was relief that Beca was alive and stable. Relief that Aria would still have her Mama. Relief that she still had her wife. She knew she’d struggle without Beca. She’d never imagined her life without her. Never thought she would have to imagine her life without her. </p>
<p>Then sadness hit her. Pain in her chest that she’d never felt before. Like her heart was literally breaking in two. Their baby, their son, had died. She dropped to her knees with her head in her hands as fresh tears streamed down her cheeks. The sob that escaped her was a sound she’d never heard from herself before. She didn’t try to stop it. Her heart hurt beyond belief. The baby they already loved, already had future plans for had died. </p>
<p>Chloe got to her feet as was met by a sympathetic look from the doctor. ‘’Umm, I need to see her. I need to tell her.’’ </p>
<p>‘’Your wife is currently in recovery. She was under anaesthetic and will take a little longer to come round. We will take you to her as soon as she is brought back up. It shouldn’t be any longer than ten minutes or so.’’</p>
<p>‘’Someone will come and get me right? I need to tell her what’s happened before any of you do.’’</p>
<p>The doctor nodded in understanding. ‘’Of course Chloe. Nurses will be in to monitor your wife, but I will give you a little time before I come in and explain everything.’’</p>
<p>The redhead sunk into the chair after the doctor left the room. Her mind racing a million miles a minute. Thoughts of having to tell their family and friends. Of trying to explain it Aria in terms that she would understand. Her thoughts soon turned to her wife. Chloe was petrified of how she was going to react, how she was going to cope. She had to try and stay as strong as she could for Beca. She didn’t know how she would be able to comfort her wife when her own heart was also breaking. </p>
<p>Chloe send off a quick text to Penny, explaining in little detail what had happened and asking if she would watch Aria until she able to organise something else. Of course Penny told her that she would take care of their daughter until they needed her to and sent her deepest sympathies. </p>
<p>As she was sending a quick thank you reply, a nurse came in and informed her that Beca was up in a private room and although still out of it, Chloe was able to go in and be with her. The nurse escorted her to the room, giving her sympathetic looks as they went. No other words were spoken other than for Chloe to ring the buzzer when Beca woke. </p>
<p>It felt like hours, Chloe sitting at Beca’s bedside, holding her hand, stroking gentle circles with her thumb into the back of it. The brunette’s eyes flickered gently, only opening momentarily before closing again with furrowed brow. The expression on her face seemingly pained. </p>
<p>Beca kept her eyes closed as she cleared her throat. ‘’What...What happened?’’ It was barely audible but Chloe heard it. </p>
<p>The redhead gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Her mind blank of any conceivable words she could use to explain what had happened. Her eyes immediately sprung tears as Beca looked up into them. ‘’Bec...’’ came out almost as a sigh. </p>
<p>Beca slowly moved her hand to her stomach. She still had the swell of a bump, but now it felt different. Smaller, lumpier…..empty. She immediately whipped her hand away from the redheads and slammed her eyes shut. She didn’t need words to tell her what had happened. Feeling different, and the sad, almost despaired look in Chloe’s eyes told her everything. </p>
<p>‘’No….no…..nooo’’. Beca’s head shook side to side as she sobbed loudly. Chloe tried to reach over to place a comforting touch to her wife’s arm but was swatted away. ‘’Don’t. Please.’’</p>
<p>‘’Umm, I was supposed to press the buzzer for the nurse when you woke.’’ The redhead spoke softly as she leant over and pressed the button. </p>
<p>The nurse came out a minute or so later. ‘’How is the pain feeling?’’ The nurse asked whilst checking Beca’s vitals.</p>
<p>‘’Fine.’’</p>
<p>‘’The doctor will be right in to talk to you. If you need anything in the mean time, please just press the buzzer.’’ </p>
<p>As the nurse walked out of the room, the Doctor walked straight in. The sympathetic, kind eyes Chloe remembered from their earlier encounter. She stood up to greet the doctor with a hand shake. The gentleman looked down at Beca’s paperwork before he made eye contact with her. ‘’Hello, I’m Doctor Langford. Are you aware of what happened today?’’</p>
<p>Chloe chimed in, knowing that getting Beca to talk right now would be impossible. She knew her wife well enough to know that the moment anything really bad happened, she shut down. ‘’She knows the baby has passed away, but we haven’t discussed anything else.’’</p>
<p>He nodded his head and looked towards the brunette. ‘’Ok, well unfortunately you suffered a placental abruption. It’s where the placenta detaches from the uterine wall. You lost a lot of blood, so we had to preform an emergency caesarean section. We did everything we could, but unfortunately, we were unable to save your baby.’’ Beca looked away from him and stared hard at the door. Tears streaming down her face, she desperately tried to distract herself, not wanting to hear anything else from the doctor. </p>
<p>‘’Where’s the baby? Can we see him?’’ Chloe asked, glancing at her wife to read her reaction. She desperately wanted to meet their baby boy, but could never know if Beca would want to. Not in a horrible way, but Beca had a tendency to run from stressful situations. However far she had come over the years, this is by far the most emotional time either of the two women had and probably will ever go through. </p>
<p>‘’Of course. I will go arrange that now if you would like. If you are ready?’’ The doctor replied.</p>
<p>Beca simply nodded. Once the doctor was out the room, Beca turned to look at Chloe. ‘’Him?’’ she questioned. Her voice barely audible.</p>
<p>‘’Hmmm?’’</p>
<p>Beca cleared her throat. It felt gravelly. ‘’Him. You said him? We had a boy?’’</p>
<p>Chloe moved closer to the brunette, her breath catching in her throat as more tears threatened to spill from her eyes. Her eyes that felt puffy and sore. She felt like she may never stop crying for the hurt in her heart. She sat down on the edge of the hospital bed and placed her hand on top of her wife’s, attempting to take a deep breath before speaking. ‘’Yeah. We have a son.’’</p>
<p>It wasn’t long after, that a nurse wheeled in the little hospital crib. Beca looked over to Chloe with a look of pure fear lacing her features. Their tiny baby boy was wrapped in a light blue blanket and wearing a white hat, he barely took up about a third of the crib. Beca knew that the nurse was speaking, but she didn’t hear a single word. She just stared at the crib. </p>
<p>She watched Chloe pick up their baby, cradling him gently and step back towards the bed that Beca was propped up in. She watched as the redhead placed a soft kiss on his cheek and heard her whisper, ‘Lets go meet your Mama beautiful boy’ before seating herself on the edge of the bed and placing their baby boy in Beca’s arms. </p>
<p>Beca tensed for a few seconds, she desperately wanted to look at their son, but was also scared. She didn’t know what of but her whole body was so rigid and her hands were visibly trembling. Chloe gave her a weak smile before she took a deep breath and looked down at the tiny baby in her arms. Immediately she relaxed. </p>
<p>Looking down at him, she took in all his features. Memorising every inch of him. His tiny button nose and perfect little pouty lips. Beca being so intent on taking in everything about him, moved away his blanket. He was wearing a pure white baby grow that she assumed the hospital had provided. He was tiny and perfect and simply looked as though he was sleeping peacefully. Her fingers ghosted over his facial feature, she kissed his cheek and held his tiny little hand. Tears still streaming down her cheeks. It was as if time stood still as she stared down at this perfect little being in her arms. </p>
<p>Her thoughts switched to everything she would miss out on. His first smile and laugh. Crawling and walking and talking. The smallest of smirks curled her on lip for a second or two as she wondered what his first curse word would be. Aria had repeated the word ‘Shit’ after Chloe accidentally said it on her first birthday, which had amused Beca no end. They’d never witness his first day at kindergarten or him going off to college. Every milestone they’d now never share with him. </p>
<p>Chloe pulled her out of her thoughts when she cleared her throat. ‘’So, umm, we should give him a name.’’</p>
<p> Moving his hat gently, both women noticed the bright red hair that covered his head. Simultaneously they both gently placed a thumb on his head and stroked his hair, feeling how soft it was to touch. </p>
<p>‘’What about Aiden?’’ Beca asked, looking up into Chloe’s eyes. ‘’It means fiery.’’</p>
<p>It was perfect. Perfect for their fiery haired beautiful baby boy. </p>
<p>The nurse came in a while later, checking over Beca’s vitals. She had had a very serious operation and however much she tried to hide it, the pain relief had been wearing off. Chloe asked how long they had with their son and was informed that they had as much time as they needed. The nurse administered a low dose of morphine to the brunette, warning her that she would likely get sleepy. She was already exhausted, physically and emotionally. The drugs didn’t take long to kick in, making her drowsy and eventually falling into a light slumber. </p>
<p>Chloe had taken the opportunity to spend time with Aiden. She took hundred of photo’s. They’d be the only ones they’d ever have of him. She took him over to the window, looking out of it, she explained to him all about the world. How she loved nature and all the amazing things that happened every day. She spoke to him about the birds that sang in the morning, about rainbows and the magic of a thunder storm. About sunflowers and daisies because they were her favourite and baby bunnies with their adorable fluffy tails. She talked to him about his big sister and his grandparents. Over an hour passed, not that she could comprehend time right now.</p>
<p>‘’And baby, you have the most amazing Mama. She’s strong and beautiful. She’s a musical genius. She thinks she’s a badass but she’s not. Your Mama is a big ole sap….don’t tell her I said that, she’d kick my butt.’’ There was a short pause as the tears welled up in her eyes again. ‘’We love you so so much Aiden.’’ Chloe hadn’t noticed until she turned away from the window that her wife had woken up. ‘’How much of that did you hear?’’</p>
<p>There was an air of calm in the room, and the faintest of smiles on Beca’s face, though her eyes told a different story. ‘’I am totally a badass.’’</p>
<p>///////</p>
<p>After Beca had been discharged from hospital four days later, she was a total recluse. She spent a lot of time in bed, still recovering from the surgery, but her mind was elsewhere too. Chloe hated it. She barely spoke, not even to Aria. The redhead had hoped that their daughter would make this whole situation even the slightest bit easier for them both. She refused to help Chloe organise the funeral. Simply telling her to make all the decision. </p>
<p>Chloe was hurting too. Her heart was broken just as much as her wife’s but she had to be the strong one. They still had Aria to look after. Chloe desperately tried to get Beca to talk about how she was feeling but had just received glares and an abrupt ‘I’m fine.’ She wasn’t fine and Chloe knew that. </p>
<p>Whilst organising the funeral, she’d organised that Penny would take Aria for the day. She didn’t need to witness it. She was too young to really understand. Chloe had talked to her about Aiden passing away as simply as she possibly could. She couldn’t comprehend how much their daughter took in, but being her usual empathetic self, she wiped the tears from the redheads cheeks and cuddled into her until Chloe’s tears stopped. Aria had tried the same multiple times with her Mama too. Going into the bedroom and cuddling her, wiping her tears and telling her she loved her. Beca had barely responded to her other than holding her close for a couple of minutes before asking her to go downstairs and play with Mommy.</p>
<p>The day of the funeral was the first Beca had even ventured downstairs. She wore a simply black dress and black small heels. She decided against makeup since it would only run when inevitably she started crying. Even when she was convinced she had cried her eyes dry, more tears always came. </p>
<p>Chloe wearing something similar, though her heels were higher and she wore light makeup in an attempt to hide her exhaustion. They made their way to the service together. It saying was true, silence is deafening. They were both broken. </p>
<p>The service was beautiful. Chloe’s mum did a reading, voice breaking the entire way through, but she did it. There wasn’t a dry eye in the church. The crematorium was just for family, leaving friends to meet them back at the house. All the Bellas were there to show their support and had agreed to welcome everybody back at the house before they returned from the cremation. </p>
<p>The moment they got back to the house, Beca disappeared. Chloe didn’t bother to follow her. She knew her wife just needed time. Time to process. Time to deal with her emotions. Time to work out how to live with losing their son. This was just what Beca did. </p>
<p>‘’Hey sweetheart. Where’s Beca gone?’’ her mum asked softly, standing beside her in the kitchen. </p>
<p>Chloe let out a sigh. ‘’I don’t know. She just does this. Disappears when she’s hurting.’’</p>
<p>‘’You’re hurting too though baby girl.’’ </p>
<p>Once everybody had left sometime in the late afternoon, the house back to normal thanks to Chloe’s family and the Bellas, Chloe went to find her wife. She came up empty when she went off to their bedroom, the bed was untouched. Next she tried to office/studio but again there was no sign of her wife. She called out her name a couple of times but had no reply. </p>
<p>Walking past the nursery, she noticed the door was slightly ajar. The door had been closed shut the moment Beca came home from the hospital. Neither women were ready to enter it. To see the perfectly set out room that was ready for their baby. White babygrows and vests stacked in the draws, little knitted cardigans hung in the wardrobe. Nappies and wipes stacked under the changing unit. </p>
<p>The redhead took a deep breath, trying to steady herself before pushing the door open. Inside, Beca was sat in the rocking chair, knees up to her chest, head buried in the arms wrapped around them, her entire body shaking as she sobbed. There was a little mouse teddy tucked in a gap between her thigh and chest. </p>
<p>‘’Babe?’’ Chloe whispered, not wanting to frighten the brunette. </p>
<p>‘’Please leave me alone Chloe.’’ Beca’s voice was absent of emotion even though she was clearly upset, which scared Chloe more. </p>
<p>‘’I can’t do that Bec. We need to talk. Tell me what’s going on.’’</p>
<p>‘’What’s going on? I lost my fucking baby Chlo, or have you already forgotten that. Am I not allowed to be fucking sad? Just because you’ve clearly gotten over it already, doesn’t mean I have.’’ Beca shouted, getting up out of the chair and walking over to the door. </p>
<p>‘’Of course I am sad Beca. Of course I am fucking upset. How dare you insinuate that I am over it. He was my son too.’’</p>
<p>Beca stopped in her tracks, still facing away from Chloe. Beca had been so wrapped up in her own sadness that she had totally ignored Chloe’s. Silence filled the room for a few long minutes before Beca once again broke down. So far down that it turned into a panic attack. Her heartbeat was rapid and she was struggling to take anything other than short sharp breaths. ‘’I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.’’ She repeated over and over again until eventually she came down from the anxiety. </p>
<p>Chloe was by her side, hands instantly grabbing a hold of Beca’s, whispering unheard words in an attempt to calm her wife. ‘’This is not your fault, you hear me? You did nothing wrong. Our baby boy died, and it’s the most horrific thing, but it was not your fault’’. She pulled the brunette into a tight embrace and rubbed her hand up and down her back as they both sobbed.  </p>
<p>Neither knew how long they stayed like that. Beca pulled away gently from Chloe, eyes immediately boring into the ground by their feet. ‘’Umm, can I show you something?’’ She asked nervously.</p>
<p>Chloe nodded as she wiped tears from her cheeks. She followed Beca down to the office/studio, walking over to the piano in the corner. Beca was clearly nervous but none the less sat down on the stool, scooting over to one side and motioning Chloe to sit next to her. Nothing more was said between the two.</p>
<p>Beca’s fingers ghosted over the black and ivory keys a couple of times, trying to build herself up to play. The moment she pressed the first note, she closed her eyes and let the music wash over her. A few seconds later she started to sing.</p>
<p>There's a whole other conversation going on<br/>
In a parallel universe<br/>
Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts<br/>
There's a waltz playing frozen in time<br/>
Blades of grass on tiny bare feet<br/>
I look at you and you're looking at me<br/>
Could you beam me up,<br/>
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it<br/>
Probably just stare, happy just to be there holding your face<br/>
Beam me up,<br/>
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter, I think,<br/>
A minute's enough,<br/>
Just beam me up.</p>
<p>Of course this is how Beca would vent her feelings. Music was such a powerful force for her. It is what she turned to no matter what emotion she was feeling. Whether it was happiness, anger or sadness. </p>
<p>Some black birds soaring in the sky,<br/>
Barely a breath like our one last sight<br/>
Tell me that was you, saying goodbye,<br/>
There are times I feel the shivering cold,<br/>
It only happens when I'm on my own,<br/>
That's how you tell me, I'm not alone<br/>
Could you beam me up,<br/>
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it<br/>
I'd Probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face<br/>
Beam me up,<br/>
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter,I think,<br/>
A minute's enough,<br/>
Just beam me up.<br/>
In my head, I see your baby blues<br/>
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there's<br/>
One of me, with you<br/>
So when I need you can I send you a sign<br/>
I'll burn a candle and turn off the lights<br/>
I'll pick a star and watch you shine<br/>
Just beam me up,<br/>
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it<br/>
Probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face<br/>
Beam me up,<br/>
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter, I think,<br/>
A minute's enough,<br/>
Beam me up<br/>
Beam me up<br/>
Beam me up<br/>
Could you beam me up</p>
<p>Beca turned to look at her wife who had tears streaming down her cheeks for what felt like the millionth time in a matter of weeks. The brunette hated that she had shut Chloe out in that time, that she hadn’t comforted her. She hated that she didn’t have the sense to realise that even though Chloe was putting up a strong front, she was hurting just as much. She made a promise to herself right there and then that she would never do anything like that ever again. </p>
<p>Leaning over to wipe the tears from Chloe’s cheek, Beca planted a soft kiss on her lips. ‘’I’m so sorry I couldn’t see past my own hurt to notice that you were feeling the same. I love you Chlo’’ She whispered.</p>
<p>‘’I love you too baby.’’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Be kind. Reviews are always welcomed. I'm from the UK so things may/will be different.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>